Boudoir Blunders

A newly popular trend in photography is boudoir style photos. Like any other style this can be executed very well and oh, so very badly.

I came across this photographer on her Facebook fan page. This led me to her site which has given me enough material for at least three more posts.

She states on her site, "My style can be called "Natural Portrait" and my specialty is 1940's style Pin-Up girls."

I know I'm just an amateur photographer and all but I've never heard of the natural portrait style. I Googled and everything. So going by the definitions of the two words, I would assume she specializes in portraits taken in natural light. After looking at these photos, I think I might be confused about her interpretation of the word "natural."

Let's take a look at her work.

Wow. Probably the most natural and unedited photo I've ever seen! That is if this model comes from the same planet as this guy.



Yes, this is absolutely natural for this lovely ghost woman who apparently lost her nose in her tragic death.

Ahh, the color solo. Or what seems to be a very bad attempt at the color solo. The photographer seemed to include part of the skin around the model's lips when she was isolating her color. So now the model looks like we caught her the morning after a blow job binge where she made sure to reapply her lipstick between favors. Well, the photographer shouldn't feel too bad. Even if she had known what she was doing with the color selection, it still wouldn't have worked.

I bet this woman's gentleman friend was thrilled to get a boudoir shot of his lady. Too bad it was apparently taken before she got undressed. Well, for the time period represented, it was racy to show shoulders so it's something.

Maybe when this photographer says "natural" she really means "awkward." Yes. I bet that's it. "Awkward Portrait" seems much more in line with what she's doing.

Probably the sexiest photo I've ever seen. Shh! Did you hear that?! That was the sound of everyone looking at this photo simultaneously orgasming.



Oh, I get it! She's at the beach! Girl in bikini, huge shells, ratty bath towel and a... exercise ball? Who needs an inflatable beach ball when you can bring your heavy and cumbersome exercise ball to the beach. Seriously, lady! You're a photographer that uses props. Make sure your props make sense!



The only thing I can think of to describe this photo is, uncomfortable. The model looks uncomfortable and I feel uncomfortable looking at it.

An important part of photography is what you do with the photo after you've shot it. You don't need crazy Photoshop skills. Even a simple editing program would make a photo look so much more, oh, I don't know, professional! It wouldn't take much know-how to smooth out all that cellulite. I mean, this woman did get this portrait to feel/look sexy.

*All photos can be found here

The photographer featured here says this on her site:

"I believe every woman, no matter their size or shape is beautiful and capturing that beauty is what I do best."

Lady, I'm scared to see what you do the worst.

If you want this photographer to capture your beauty, here's what you would pay:

$200 for two hours and an 8x10
Other items are offered à la carte ranging from $5 - $75

Two hundred bucks for this woman to put you in unflattering positions with props that make no sense and then she'll either forget to edit or oversaturate you so much you look like a main course at Red Lobster. Yup, that's worth it!

Disclaimer: I own absolutely no rights to these photos. (Not that I'd want to.) The photographer who owns these photos can be found here.

Cheese Factory

I found this photographer through a Facebook fan page. Having a fan page on Facebook does not a good photographer make. Obviously.


Here's a small sample from her engagement portfolio:

Original here

It's tough to take in all at once. Let me break all the atrociousness down for you. Oh, man. That backdrop! Just because there is a backdrop company that makes those hideous designs, doesn't mean you have to buy them. There's the offensive use of plastic ivy that was thrown around in such a caviler manner. The bizarre rug that is either trying to look like a dirty Oriental or a rectangular shape of hide from a brown cow; also dirty.

The most ghastly of all is the pose. Let's just ignore the fact that he looks like he's about to start a porn scene with the way his legs are positioned. Are we really supposed to buy that they happened to be picnicking in a badly painted wooded area in matching outfits, when he decided to pop the question? And there is a photographer there to capture this candid moment? What are the odds?! Didn't the people in this photo feel like asses when following the photographer's direction? I bet they did when they finally realized they paid actual money to look this foolish.

Let's move on to her newborn work:

Original here

The photographer has perfectly executed a marvelous shot of this soccer ball. It just so happens to have a human baby attached to it.

This last picture is... well, just look:

Original here

She so excellently applied the most used and abused trick of trying to make a photo interesting. Do you know what it is? No, it's not that scary like border or Photoshopping the photo to make it look as if it was drawn. It's the god awful effect known as color selection or what I call, the "color solo." Sometimes it can be a color duo or even a color trio. Usually anymore than that though, is just pointless unless the object is a rainbow lollipop or something similar in design. Being an amateur photographer and studying real professional photographers' portfolios for years, I can honestly say, I've only seen two successful attempts at the color solo and this ain't one of them. I think this photo may have blessed us with a color duo. Although I'm not sure if the photographer just selected all the colors in the red and orange family because she wasn't aware enough to think they aren't the same color. I mean really, taking a quick gander at her portfolio, I wouldn't be surprised if this photographer was blind in one eye.

Even if the color solo had worked, what are we supposed to be focusing on? The color duo would have me assume we are supposed to gaze in wonderment of this man's tattoos. The Thundercat's logo(?) and treasure map(?) breaking through his skin? (Whatever, I'm not here to judge tattoos.) Are we supposed to be looking at the father who looks uncannily like that guy from Color Me Badd? (Because the extra 'd' really makes one a rebel!) Or are we supposed to be studying the baby who, judging by the look on his face, obviously just took a massive shit in his daddy's hands? You decide.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely no rights to these photos. (Not that I'd want to.) The photographer who owns these photos can be found here